He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
