you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
