Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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