I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
