i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
