what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
