I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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