I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
