You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
