im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
