So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
My bed smells like the plague
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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