My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
