My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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