Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Say something about gay babies.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Someone came in the potted fern
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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