As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
