I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
