True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
