i may or may not be watching the land before time
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
