Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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