So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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