youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize