I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
