I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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