So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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