He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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