How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize