P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
