its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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