Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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