I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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