Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
