my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
