Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
