There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
