Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
