I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
