i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
