Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
