At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize