I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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