If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Success! We fucked roommates!
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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