my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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