Your favorite bartender is back from prision
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
then he tried to convert me to islam
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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