you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
3pm strippers are depressing
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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