You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
