I'm going to jail i love you
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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