we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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