Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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