She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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