I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
