we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
