it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
The air was thick with penises
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
