She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
