Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
