Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
