just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
