Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
