no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
