M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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