Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
