i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize