Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
