Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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