How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
