He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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