What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
