I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
