Jerry, you need to find god
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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