But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
