He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
