Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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