Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
