I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
pray to the hookup gods
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
