the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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