i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
