No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
